Is this a lemon or a lime?

Our first victim:

Tedeschi Food Shop
509 Cambridge Street
Allston, MA 02134

I have to admit, I'm probably going to be a little biased with this review. I have lived right around the corner from this store for the past six months, but Hannah also lived around the corner from this store for a year. In conclusion, no matter how dirty, horrible, or how many awkward encounters I have had in this store, it's always been there for me. It's kind of like that awesome parent one of your friends had in high school that is always there to provide you cigarettes and numerous packets of oriental flavored Ramen Noodles when you're drunk at 2 in the morning. Or if you're me, it's kind of like your grandma, except she isn't force feeding you a bottle of Jameson. Ah, good ol' grandma.

Did I mention this place is open 24/7? Five stars for that alone.

First of all, I understand this place used to be called 24/7, which makes more sense than Tedeschi. But then ANOTHER store 24 opened up the street, so they changed the name. But that Store 24 is not open 24 hours, so why the fuck did they change this store to be named Tedeschi if the other store cannot even live up to it's advertised name? Bullshit!
And let's also discuss the pronounciation of Tedeschi. As someone not from Massachusetts, I always assumed it was pronounced ta-desh-ee. Do not ever make that mistake. You will be berated and stoned to death in public by Massholes. It's ta-DESK-ee and don't you ever EVER FORGET IT!

But anyways, I'm rambling here. During the wonderful blistering hot summer, I often frequented this store at late hours to purchase some cigarettes. If you are buying cigarettes, remember to bring your ID. No matter how old you look, they will always ask you for it (unless it's the amazing night clerk, who I will go into sexy detail about later). Their cigarette selection is pretty great. They have every flavor of "Camel Turkish" including the Jade ones, which are menthol. I don't even know who buys that, but it's the thought that counts. Let's not forget they sold blunt wraps (not anymore though, R.I.P.) and also sell packs of CHECKERS!! Checkers are the worst cigarettes in the world, but they are only $4 a pack. I have never seen Checkers anywhere else in Boston except for this store. They're good if you're really low on cash and craving a butt. You should probably be completely blasted though, or you will really be able to feel the rat poison (which I'm assuming is what Checkers primarily consist of, besides wood chips and fertilizer) chip away at your lungs.

The clerks here are usually pretty friendly. Most don't speak English too well, but they try. The other day I went up to the counter with a lime, and the man at the counter proceeded to ask me "Is this a lemon or is this a lime?" Seriously? I guess I shouldn't be too judgmental, but damn brother. At the same time, there was another lady who was having a clerk help her insert a battery into.....something. I say something because Hannah thought it was a cab meter, while I was sure it was an alarm clock. Who knows? Also, apparently people over the age of 60 can't put batteries into devices themselves. Damn new fangled technology is always fucking up old people's shit!

The late night clerk is my favorite. I tried to make it a goal this summer to become best friends with him, or at least a booty call, and failed miserably. He is a large black man with a grill on his upper teeth that is solid gold. I wonder if he got it at the 1 hour grillz place in downtown crossing, but didn't want to insult his "grillmanship". What if it was hand made by the king of grillz, Mr. Bubba Sparxxx? Anyways, I was only able to make him laugh or smile once, and it happened to be when I was carrying a large orange traffic cone on my hand. He said "Hey girl, you gonna stop some traffic for me?" All I could do was blush. I had my moment and I fucked it up.

The food selection here is not bad. Chips of all sorts, though the dip selection is mad disappointing, and they also have some sandwiches. I'd honestly be a little scared to try them though, because the open freezer they sit in never seems to actually be emitting any sort of cold air. They've also got your basics like bread, peanut butter, jelly,and ramen. Basically, this is where I grocery shop. They've got a SHIT TON of Ben and Jerry's flavors, almost like 2 freezers full. They also have a few DiGornio pizzas and some Stouffer's stuff (the mac and cheese = incredible). Also, Tina's burritos! Man, those things are good. But beware: you will probably regret eating them about an hour later. In other words, your ass is going to explode.

Drink selection: also pretty good. They have a lot of Vitamin Water because they are located in Allston. Who drinks more Vitamin Water than college kids who wear over sized non prescription glasses and pretty much dress like preppy computer programmers from the 80's? Lemme tell ya, no one. Seriously, what's up with this fashion craze? Half of the time I think I've been sent to a level of Hell where I'm stuck in that horrible made for TV movie "Pirates of Silicon Valley". They also have almost every kind of soda, Snapple, and Arizona iced tea. Sometimes it can take me a really long time to pick out what I want because of this.

In conclusion: I love this store, but mostly for it's proximity to where I live. The clerks are usually pretty friendly and will chat it up with you. I've seen better selection at other convenience stores, but this one is pretty good considering it's size. Also, the prices aren't too bad, though the food items can get a bit pricey sometimes (especially frozen stuff). Hey, the sign outside even proclaims that they have the lowest cigarette prices they can have in Massachusetts! I would recommend this store highly.

4.5 OUT OF 5